There’s an Octopus in My Beer

♫ Roy to the World! It’s Blog Forty-One. It works …only if …you sing. ♫

It’s my last blog post for the year. I want to wish everyone a merry George Michael Memorial Day and a Happy New Year. May your 2019 be Amazing.

Booking It

I’ve been doing an immense amount of writing lately. As mentioned in Blog Post #38, I have decided to write a book. Efforts to get articles published are on hold for now as I dedicate myself to writing, self-publishing, and promoting this book. What the heck will this book be about? The book is about nursing. More specifically, it’s a humoristic look at bedside nursing. Based on the three ‘Humour in Healthcare’ blog posts I wrote in 2017 and 2018, the book will include amusing short stories and jokes combined with an inside look at bedside nursing and its many challenges. The book is truly a ‘work in progress’ and I really don’t know what the final product will look like. I also know nothing about self-publishing. That’s part of the fun. I’ll post more updates on the book as time goes.

The book will include a lot of excerpts from this blog. You’ll be excited to know that all nursing jokes from this blog will make the book. I’d like to have the book finished before the end of 2019 but that’s not likely. It’s about as likely as Santa making a delivery to The White House in Washington this year.

2019 Travel Plans

My wife and I will continue our world travelling ambitions in 2019. We are going to spend a few days in Phoenix, Arizona, U.S.A at the end of February before meeting family in Guayabitos, Mexico. We are also excited to be going to Tokyo, Japan in the fall of 2019. In between both of those, we’ll be looking at a few more adventures closer to home. While I love travelling, I also love my home. I took this photo of the Xmas tree in the middle of downtown Vancouver earlier this month.

YVR Xmas 2 (Blog 41)

What’s Your Resolution?

There’s a lot of evidence that New Year’s resolutions don’t actually work. However, I consider myself proof that they can work if you work. In January 2016 I started my weight training resolution. I worked out at the gym focusing on strength training twice a week without fail. I’m now down 22 lbs, feeling good, and work out three times a week. Consistent strength training simply changed my life. It gave me self esteem, energy, and self belief. Resolutions can work (at any time of year) if you decide to make it happen.

At the beginning of this year, I made a resolution to study Spanish every day with the goal of being fluent by the end of 2019. How’s it going at almost the halfway point? I’m not calling people ‘donkey’ or ‘books’ any more. I can ask if people speak English. I can ask what a word is in Spanish in Spanish. I can ask people to repeat themselves, speak slower, and tell them I don’t understand. I can also ask if there’s a monkey in my coffee. So I can safely say that progress is slow; but it’s progress…that’s progressively progressing.

Words of Wisdom

1. Before I talk about procrastination, I want to encourage everyone to take up strength training. It’s life changing.

2. Take on a challenge… and there’s no need to wait for the calendar to flip over.

3. Procrastination. I’ll talk about it in the next blog.

Happy Holidays

I want to wish all my readers peace and Roy over the holidays. May you all have tidings of comfort and Roy. If you see Santa, remind him to stop at The Island of Misfit Roys. That’s it for this crazy year. I look forward to sharing more of my writing in 2019.

So with “The Book” on it’s way, I thought I’d share a couple of jokes I’ve been working on. These, like “The Book”, are a ‘work in progress’ but the meat and the potatoes are there. Enjoy.

This first one might be only for nurses…or no one actually. I was in a café at the airport in Dublin, Ireland looking for a bite to eat. They had a burger called the MBM burger (mushroom, bacon, mozzarella). I ordered it without mushrooms. The server then said, “So you’d like a BM burger?”

😦

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Nursing can be so busy. You’ve got so much to do. One shift I was being pulled in so many directions at the same time, that I wasn’t sure what to do. Patients, nurses, doctors, care-aids, and managers were all asking for something from me and I was losing my mind. I said to my co-worker, “It’s moments like this that I wish I was an octopus.”

She smiled and replied, “Yeah, I could use a few more arms too.”

I looked at her blank and said, “Arms? I was talking about having a deadly vicious beak.”

She laughed, “Or to just be able to throw an ink bomb and take off!”

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A Great ‘I’ For Suspicious Colors

And just like that, it’s Blog Post #40. Thank you to everyone who has supported this endeavour forty times. I appreciate you both. After Blog Post #39, a few people asked me, “What about Ireland?” Ireland is their own country…but they’re part of Northern Ireland (no border between them…but they use different currencies)….or maybe they’re separate and linked only by history….Brexit will sort out any confusion. For seven days last month, Ireland became more. It became better, exciting, and a little extra special. For the seven days my wife and I were there touring around, it was GREAT Ireland!

Ireland

Walking is a great way to get around….except in Ireland. No, it’s not the alcohol. It’s the traffic lights. You’ll wait many minutes to have the lights change to cross the road. All traffic in all directions must be stopped for a period of time before the walkers can begin their walking. We watched as locals ran for their lives dodging cars to cross roads. The locals knew the long wait….and now we do too. Even the chickens could be seen Jay walking across the streets of Dublin. I saw some Irish sheep crossing the road and decided to ask them why it was so difficult here. I said, “Bah Ram Yew, Bah Ram Yew….” Ok, maybe I didn’t ask. They couldn’t understand my accent anyway.

Dublin

Dublin was beautiful and we were fortunate to have the sun out. We ran at the River Liffey and I was able to take a photo of this amazing sunset.

Dublin Liffey

As a tourist in Dublin, the Guinness Factory is a must. Guinness does, in fact, taste better and fresher in Ireland. However, the factory tour was cheesy. I heard locals call it, “Guinness and the Chocolate Factory.” We received a golden ticket which was good for one pint of Guinness at the rooftop bar. Did you know that Guinness is not actually black? It is red. After a few, I didn’t know if it was maybe purple or blue.

Galway

Waiting for a bus in Galway, we asked a local, “Does the bus driver give change?”

He said, “What?”

“Does the bus driver give change?”

He replied,” …..the bus hasn’t come yet?” He couldn’t understand our accent I guess.

Not even in Kathmandu had I seen traffic as bad as what we found in Galway. Built for horse and buggy, this place was not equipped for the kind of traffic it had. We took a bus our first day and watched as people walked right by the moving bus that was always stuck in traffic. Of course, we caught up with these walkers once they had to wait for a pedestrian light. We never took the bus again and continually found ourselves getting to destinations before buses and cars (once we learned to risk life and limb crossing roads).

I took this photo in Galway showing The River Carrib.

River Corrib

We had two perfect nights in Galway. We had amazing dinners, great drinks, and the rain stayed away. I told my wife, “I swear I’m going to put you in a blog I write. About a Galway trip and a perfect night” .

Back to London

Before returning home, my wife and I went back to London for one full day. A beautiful sunny day greeted us and we ended up going back to see some things we had already seen …but in the sunshine. I took this photo of the House of Parliament in London.

HoP London

See Something Suspicious?

Travelling The Tube, there are frequent announcements that if you see something suspicious you should inform an attendant or authority personnel. The announcement ends with the slogan, “See it. Say it. Sorted.” We have a similar slogan in Canada; “See it. Say It. Snap it. Post it. Share it. Like it. Sorted!”

I did overhear someone go up to a transit officer and say, “That woman has a yellow jacket on.”

The officer replied, “That’s gonna sting.”    Sorted!

I went up to the same officer and said, “There’s a lady over there with a green dress on.”

He replied, “Is it a real green dress?”

I said, “No.”

“Good. That’d be cruel.”    Sorted!

Neon Lights

I kept seeing suspicious things all around London. We passed by a Sainsburys (the name of a grocery store chain). Their neon sign wasn’t functioning properly and the ‘U’ and the ‘R’ were not lit up. I think it was a subliminal advertising campaign that let us all know that something’s not right; ‘U R not here and you should be.’

So after shopping in Sainsburys, we walked past the Wellington Hospital. Their neon sign was not working for the ‘WELL’. They don’t care about ‘Well’? Insert your own jokes here.

Words of Wisdom

1. Keep track of your stuff when travelling. There was an announcement at the train station in Dublin that said, “We have a John Henry Waterbottle here. If you’ve lost a John Henry Waterbottle, please come to the service desk.” I thought, “I hope he finds his family.”

2. Keep track of your appointments. I had a dentist appointment this month. The dentist office e-mailed me two reminders, phoned with a reminder, phoned again saying that it was to pre-confirm that I have a confirmed appointment and that they will call again to confirm. I received another call reminding me that my appointment is confirmed. Is this the world we live in now?

It’s time for the ending jokes. There were two blog posts this month so the material may not be as amazing as it usually is. Enjoy.

While my wife and I were in Great Britain and Great Ireland, our friends went and watched Jerry Seinfeld live in Vancouver. They invited us to go for soup and babka and then to the show. We told them that even if we were home, we couldn’t go. Firstly, the soup place won’t serve me and secondly, they don’t know how to take reservations (actually, they take the reservation… they just don’t know how to hold the reservation). We also didn’t want to lose the car in the parking garage and have the goldfish die. Our friends also invited Delores and I don’t really know her. I can never remember her name yada yada yada. 

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One very popular tourist destination in Ireland is The Blarney Stone, a block of stone built into the Blarney Castle. Legend has it that kissing the Blarney Stone will lead to great elegance and speaking skills. Tourists go to Ireland looking to kiss the stone and take photos of themselves. Some locals enjoy peeing on The Blarney Stone and then later watching tourists kiss it. I skipped The Blarney Stone.

Eating Chips with the Queen B. in Great B.

It’s time….for Blog Post #39. Perhaps you’ve heard of an island in the Atlantic called Britain. It’s a relatively large island consisting of the countries of England, Scotland, and Wales. The Northern half of another island called Ireland also makes up Britain….or it doesn’t …or it does. It depends who you ask. Brexit will fix all that confusion anyway. For sixteen days last month, Britain became more. It became better, exciting, and a little extra special. For the sixteen days my wife and I were there touring around, it was GREAT Britain!

England

If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I’m never sarcastic and I’m not one to use clichés. The Queen was adamant that I show her country in a positive light and focus on its many wonderful qualities and that’s what I’m going to do. The Thames River in London was magnificent, a shade of brown that made it so very easy to spot the beluga whale pods. The busy river traffic and the many bridges did create a lively atmosphere that felt a bit like being in the middle of an action movie. It was disappointing not to see a speed boat chase with Bond barely escaping.

Pubs

“Is There a Pub Around Here?” says no one ever in London. You’re never far from a pub and I love that. The beer scene was fantastic. Low alcohol options with big taste could be found everywhere. The big beer companies still rule the day (or night) in England but small local microbreweries were visible and available in many establishments. I took this photo of the patio at Crate Brewing in east London.

Crate Brewing

Their beer was amazing and the sunny weather I asked for made for a great combination.

The Tube

Everyone travels transit in London. Affectionately nicknamed, The Tube, the London Subway system is a way of life for many people from all walks of life. I overheard someone speaking very casually about needing an hour and a half on The Tube with three station changes to get home from work every day. London is great but I’d pass on that kind of commute.

I went into The Tube station called ‘Waterloo’. I was then trapped and not able to find my way out despite the fact that I had a desire to leave.

Chips

“Would You Like Salad or Chips?” could be heard in none of the pubs in London. Everything comes with chips. Steak, chicken, burgers, potatoes ….it doesn’t matter. You get chips. I ate more chips (or French Fries as we call them in Canada) in my 16 days in Great Britain than in the past two years. I enjoy chips but c’mon….I’m getting chips with mashed potatoes and roasted potatoes? I’m not stranded on Mars!

Scotland

Aye, jolly ol’ Scotland. Did I try the haggis? I came across a guy selling haggis, “Get your haggis right here! Chopped heart and lungs boiled in a wee sheep’s stomach! Tastes as good as it sounds!” I’d rather try the bugs on a stick in China, thanks. At least that doesn’t come with chips. I did do a Scottish whiskey tasting and can safely say, it’s not for me….it needed chips.

Edinburgh Castle

I enjoyed Edinburgh fully with its cobble stone streets and old historical buildings. One highlight was Edinburgh Castle which, being on top of a hill, offered great views of the city.

Edinburgh Castle View

Choose Life

When we arrived in Edinburgh, “I didn’t feel sick yet but it was in the mail, that’s for sure. Too ill to sleep, too tired to stay awake, but the sickness was on its way”. I had burning with every swallow that not even beer could soothe. I had strep throat. So during my time in Edinburgh I was, in fact, Sick Roy. I was doing about as well as Tommy in Trainspotting 2. However, it soon passed and I was back to working out, running, and listening to Ziggy Pop.

Northern Ireland

Northern Ireland was a great experience and I really enjoyed the city of Belfast. I met with The King of the North and he was adamant that I show his country in a positive light and focus on its many wonderful qualities and that’s what I’m going to do. Belfast greeted us with this amazing scene. Insert your own leprechaun and pot of gold joke here:

Rainbow Belfast

I learned a lot about the history of Northern Ireland; how the Starks came to power, how important the wall is, and about the dragon-glass mines. I also learned that their parliament has not been functioning for over a year and a half. As one guy we spoke with said, “They are discussing having meetings to start having meetings again to see if they can start having meetings.” The Titanic was built in Belfast and the people are very proud of that fact. Belfast has the largest Titanic museum in the world. We all know it was ‘Ice’s’ fault that the Titanic sank.

Words of Wisdom

1. Be careful with Google. It can lead you astray. I wanted to see castles so I Googled ‘castles in Britain’. There are many. I looked at Google Maps a little closer and found that many of the them were actually bouncy castles. I am grateful that I didn’t do some hour-long trek only to find a bouncy castle. I would have been angrier than Gargamel watching The Blue Man Group.

2. Enjoy and appreciate good coffee when you can. Instant coffee is a thing in Britain. Why? It’s terrible. We did our best to make it work and grabbed good coffee when we could. For instance , we found some instants were better than other instants.

3. Always stick to your principles. I was asked to blog about The Super Bowl and I too have declined that invitation. #rihanna

That’s the briefest of overviews of our trip to the island of Britain (briefly known as Great Britain) for your reading pleasure. Disclaimer: It would be impossible to cover all the highlights and great things we saw in Britain in this blog. The people were great and the hospitality was amazing. Any ‘jokes’ are just that; jokes. If however you were offended by any of it, please send your complaints via telegram or carrier pigeon to Buckingham Palace urging Liz to take action.

It’s time for the ending jokes. Choose to Enjoy!

My wife asked me, “How big do you think Hyde Park is?” 

I said, “I don’t know. Guess!…..take a stab in the park.”

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I was asked what the highlight was from our trip to Britain. I said, “That’s easy. It was getting the chance to hang out with The Queen in London.”

“Wow, you met The Queen?”

“Met The Queen? I’ve been married to her for 11 years.”

Magically Ambitious

It’s October! The official end of summer is here in Canada and it’s time for Blog Post #38. Thanks to everyone for the positive responses to Blog Post #37. It was easily my second most responded to blog post and a lot of people told me they really liked the Spanish language learning jokes/comments. If you haven’t read it, check it out here.  My wife and I are getting ready to travel to Great Britain this week. First, we had an annoying little side trip to Las Vegas that we had to get over with.

Viva Las Vegas

Having never been to Vegas, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Did you know there is a lot of casinos, gambling, and partying down there? Almost everything stayed open all the time. When do the people sleep?

It was a fun and adventurous four days that saw me still get in a good workout at the hotel gym and follow a 16:8 intermittent fasting protocol. Travelling often means that healthy habits are a part of life that you shouldn’t take a break from.

“Vegas Nights Yes! Vegas Knights No!” – Canucks fans, Roy & Lesly

MVIMG_20180925_182344

La Reverence

One thing we were really excited to do was check out some shows. We saw Cirque de Soleil’s La Reve at The Wynn. This water extravaganza was simply the best show I have ever seen live. It was a phenomenal jaw-dropping, perma-smiling, action packed piece of moving art that I can’t stop thinking and talking about. It was amazing!

Criss Angel Makes Money Disappear

We also took in Cirque de Soleil’s Criss Angel Mindfreak at The Luxor. As good as La Reve was is how bad this show was. It was an ego-inflating tribute to Criss Angel by Criss Angel in order to celebrate the past work of Criss Angel. No real magic, very bad music, and a feeling of being manipulated from start to finish. I came out of that show thinking, “Ok, that gamble didn’t pay off. I can now say that I’ve been to Vegas and lost.”

No Cameras or Cell Phones!

At the beginning of Mindfreak, everyone was warned that the use of cell phones would lead to security escorting you out of the theatre. This show was so bad, I wanted to take out my cell phone and pretend to take video so I could get out of there. A couple did get kicked out for cell phone use about ¾ of the way into the show. I thought, “Awww….jealous!”

Bonus Photo. Here’s a photo of me getting into all sorts of trouble in Vegas:

Royal Wedding

Monorail

Las Vegas has a great Monorail system that made it easy and convenient to get around. I couldn’t help but think that downtown Vancouver could really benefit from having a Monorail. Monorails put Brockway, Ogdenville, and Northhaverbrook on the map. Why couldn’t it do the same for Vancouver? Then again, it’s probably more of a Shelbyville-idea.

Workout Music: I was asked to share more of my workout music. I like to listen to inspiring music that keeps my motivation up when working out or running. I recently added this remake of Toto’s “Africa” by Weezer to my playlist. “♫ ♪ Hurry Roy it’s waiting there for you!!! ♪♫ ”

Words of Wisdom

1. Last post saw me talk about putting the phone down. On that same note, I’ve seen a lot of people in the gym spending all their time on their phone. Talking, scrolling, texting, and even watching videos (non-workout videos). Why? It’s better to get there, get it done, and go home. I use an MP3 player in the gym and leave my phone at home. If I want to watch workout videos as I’m working out, I stay home and put a tape in the VCR. Way better!

2. If you go to Vegas, catch a show. It’ll give you a good break from gambling, drinking, over-eating, and embarrassing yourself. Waiting for a shuttle in Vegas, I started talking to a couple. They said they had been to Vegas many times but had never been to a show.

The wife said, “I would love to go to a show.”

The husband said, “Yeah, we haven’t been to a show in Vegas… but I’ve put on a show.”

“Yes you have, honey.”

3. Follow your passion and let people know your goals. I enjoyed sharing my goal to learn Spanish on this blog. It was liberating and added to my accountability.

New Goal: After much (too much) thought, I have decided to write a book. I don’t have details at this time but I will share more info over the next few blog posts.

Thanks again to everyone who reads and supports this blog and a special thank you to those who email me their positive (mostly) feedback. As always, here are the ending jokes. Enjoy!

My wife might start working at an Italian restaurant but she’s concerned that she doesn’t know enough about Italian food and wine. I told her to relax, “You already know what goes well with a nice chianti.” 

“Yeah, that’s true…. liver and fava beans.”

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I was asked:

“Are you trying to learn Spain Spanish or Mexican/Latin American Spanish?”

Sí.”

Translating the Cold Hearted WOD

It’s the unofficial end of summer here in Canada and time for Blog Post # 37. Yesterday was a holiday Monday here called Labour Day, celebrating the achievements of workers. I celebrated by getting off work at 7:00 am and thinking about my next 12 days off.

I had a nice moment recently when a co-worker, that I don’t know all that well, said to me, “I like your blog. It’s good.” I have ‘good’ friends that don’t read my blog so to find out that there are strangers that read this and like it is encouraging. My jokes about only 19 people reading this may not be true.

My recent efforts to be published have been fruitless unfortunately. I have completed two pieces on health (Iyengar Yoga and Tension Myositis Syndrome) but have yet to find a site interested in these topics. I guess all anyone wants to hear about is beer and travel. I’ll try to find a way to make that happen. Over the next month and a half, my wife and I will be travelling to five different countries and we may hit up a brewery or two that I can then write about.

I took this photo in August on a camping trip to Hornby Island. I figured that I would post one more ‘close to home’ photo as I’m expecting a lot of Scotland and Ireland over the rest of the year.

Hornby Island

Border Patrol

This week, my wife and I will be driving down to Seattle to see one of my favorite bands, The War on Drugs. I can’t get enough of their music. Have a listen to one of my favorite running songs here: Red Eyes.

I must say that I’m not looking forward to crossing the US border. First of all, if the border guards read my blog, they’ll know about my jokes (and non-jokes) about Donald Trump. My political agenda is exposed here. Secondly, when I’m asked what I’m doing in Seattle, I’ll need to say, “I’m going to see ‘The War on Drugs’.”

“Pardon? Did you say ‘drugs’?” And I won’t be heard from again.

I think I’ll just tell them I’m going to see “WOD” in concert.

“The Who?”

“No. The WOD.”

“What?”

“No. WOD.”

I’ll just say I’m going to see Nirvana……too soon?

Laws in Translation

I enjoy language. It’s one of the reasons I write this blog. I’m also a big believer in doing difficult things, challenging the self, and reaching for goals that can seem unattainable. Even if they’re not completely reached, there is growth, learning, and strength to be gained.

In January of this year, I challenged myself to learn Spanish. My strategy started with 10 minutes a day of Spanish phrases. That turned into 20 minutes a day around April. It’s now a passion and an obsession. My goal is to speak Spanish fluently by the end of 2019. It’s going well so far. I was at a party with Spanish speaking people and instead of saying “don’t worry about it”, I said “I don’t know busy”. Recently, I asked a Spanish speaking co-worker, “Are you a book now?” With this kind of progress I’ll be doing a Spanish Podcast about correctly doing the Macarena and managing a hospital in Tijuana before you know it.

One of my strategies has been to watch tv shows and movies in Spanish with English subtitles. I’ve now seen Shrek 239 times. The unfortunate part is anytime I use Spanish, I keep calling everyone “Donkey.” ….whereas in English, I only do that occasionally.

Inspiration

My wife has been inspired by my Spanish efforts. She decided to work on learning Norwegian. She was well on her way in 2005 when we lived in Norway but we returned to Canada before she could really solidify it. Now, she’s using an app and Youtube to practice every day. She recently learned the very useful phrase, “The spider is ugly”.

Oh, good. Use that when someone asks, “Can you speak Norwegian?”

”The spider is ugly.”

Words of Wisdom

1. Stand up straight. Have you noticed everyone has their head forward and down? It’s often due to the phone. Put the phone down sometimes! Walk upright with your head held high because “Hey, look at me. I can put myself-phone down and enjoy life.” ….but no one will notice.

2. Stop wasting time. One of the main reasons I started Spanish was realizing that there was so much time wasted on the phone with Facebook, Twitter, Words with Friends, Chess, Cat Videos, and general trash. I thought I could use that time to become better and achieve something worthwhile. Fulfillment doesn’t come from comfort or entertainment, it comes from purpose and achievement.

It’s time for the ending jokes. It’s also time to stop making fun of my wife and go back to nursing jokes. These are my jokes. Soy Roy. Enjoy.

In 2016, my wife and I went to China on a three week trip. It was amazing. I learned a few words in Mandarin which I still remember. They’re actually quite useful now as many of my patients in the hospital speak Mandarin. I can say useful Mandarin phrases to my patients like, “How are you?” “Thank you” “Bathroom?” “Pain?” and “Beer?”. 

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A lot of nurses have cold hands. My patients are fortunate that I have very warm hands. I was helping an elderly female patient when she grabbed my hand and said, “Oh, you have such warm hands.”

I said, “You know what they say….cold hands, warm heart.”

Serving Minimal Cheesy Asparagus with Maximum Love

It’s time for Blog Post #36 to enter the mix. Other blogs may get things like “readers” and “followers” and “subscribers” due to great writing, advice, and story telling or whatever…. but this blog is The Blog: Puffy sarcasm, crazy ideas, and tender goodness that’s stocked full of snarky ridiculousness. Also, this blog is Grammarly free. This blog doesn’t need Grammarly to get the words put in the right places to make the sense of the things to say the stuff. No spelling errors ever either. This blog is pure glold.

Last post saw some backlash as my wife was the subject of my ending jokes. They’re jokes people and when I married my wife, I never vowed to never laugh at her. I was going write another joke about her but after all the protests (including from my wife), I decided to leave the joke out. It was going to go like this:

My wife and I were on the elevator and a guy got on with his large dog. The dog began licking her hand. My wife pulled her hand away and said, ‘No, you shouldn’t do that, I have a lot of sunscreen on.’

The guy then said, “She’s slobbery and a bit disgusting right now.” 

I was angry and said to the guy, “Are you talking to your dog… about my wife?”

So being a good husband and an all-around good citizen, I left that joke out. It’s my readers who now suffer but there’s more bad jokes where that came from.

Vancouver Island

This photo was taken in Victoria on Vancouver Island two years ago on a family trip. With the natural beauty of Vancouver Island, even an amateur photographer like myself can look like a pro.

Victoria BC

Note: This blog is Photoshop free….and Grammarly free….and AntiRedundancy free.

Words of Wisdom.

1. Follow your dreams first and a paycheck second. You only have so much time on this flying spinning liquid-filled ball. Make it about your experience, not your acquisitions. My dreem is to win a speling be. Wish me luck.

2. Be a minimalist like me….and these guys. Don’t be controlled, ruled, and manipulated by the consumer-driven market. Freedom is found when what you have is all you need. Have you ever tried to buy a patio umbrella in the middle of summer? It’s almost impossible. However, if you’re looking for a Halloween costume, then summer is your time to shop ‘til you drop. Skip.

3. Words of Wisdom from Alex. Recently, I was chosen to be the M.C. of my friends’ wedding. It was an honour. Before the wedding, the bride (Alex) was talking about choosing the food; more specifically what vegetables to have with dinner. She was offered asparagus as an option. She said, “No, no, no. Thank you.” Have you ever been to a wedding that served asparagus? Skip. Never serve asparagus at a large event….ever. Your special event will be extra special.

4. Having a great slogan is very important. Many people believe that Donald Trump won the American election due to his great slogan, “Make America Great Again.” After the election, many companies tried to capitalize on that formula. There was a sweater company that tried the slogan, “Making American Cardigans.” There was the automobile company that went with, “Making American Cars Again.” There was also a pharmaceutical company that tried it to promote their E.D. drug. There was also the advertising company that specialized in slogans. Their own slogan: “Look at Trump. Making Americans slogan.”

It’s time for the ending joke. If you really got all of Words of Wisdom, then you’ve already laughed out loud. I suspect only 1 in 20 will actually get all of #4 and considering I only have 19 readers, that may mean: no one. This joke is dedicated to my wife and is mostly a true story (all true except one word). I felt bad when so many people were upset about me making fun of my wife in the last blog post. So with that, I give you this olive branch skewered with pure ridiculous Royal cheese. Enjoy.

My wife and I were walking by the tennis courts near our place. People with their tennis racquets in hand were waiting on the sides and on benches while others were on the courts in heated five setters. My wife said, “I wonder if there’s a place to put your name down or book the court ahead of time?” Without hesitation I said, “No, I think it’s first come, first serve…..Love 🙂 .”

 

Intermittent Blogging

Blog Post #35 is here. Phew!….that was close. I almost didn’t get this done for the month of July (I have not missed a month since starting this blog in 2016). Luckily for my loyal readers, a summer hiatus has been avoided. While I have numerous projects on the go, I don’t have any new published works to share. I did have one of my articles on the Vancouver Coastal Health website get re-posted but it requires a log-in for Vancouver Coastal Health employees only. Disappointing.

New York

I was hoping to take a trip to New York City this October but in the end my wife and I decided to stop in London, England for a few days instead. I took this photo in New York’s Central Park in 2015. I love New York City!

Central Park

Las Vegas

A bit of impulse buying (followed by a mild case of buyer’s remorse) has lead to my wife and I travelling to Las Vegas at the end of September. We’ll then only have a few days back home before heading to Great Britain for 3 weeks. Neither one of us have been to ‘Sin City’ so when the chance came to go with friends, we didn’t really have a choice. Well, I guess we did have a couple choices; go to Vegas or don’t go to Vegas. In the end, for the sake of my readers, I chose to go to Las Vegas. As the saying goes, “What happens in Vegas….ends up in this blog.”

Intermittent Fasting

I received a couple of e-mails asking about intermittent fasting and how it’s been going. It’s going well and I’m really enjoying the lifestyle more than anything. It’s not a miracle-working secret though. It’s always about calories in versus calories out. I just find intermittent fasting makes keeping within my calorie needs a bit easier. My wife is having a lot of success with it. After initially saying ‘no’ to intermittent fasting, she has embraced it and lost some unwanted fat in the process.

One of the great things with intermittent fasting is when you don’t eat until 3 or 4 in the afternoon, the food tastes so good. It’s like the taste of a beer after going two days without a beer. I’m just joking of course….I don’t go two days without a beer.

Words of Wisdom

1. Always look at expiry dates on foods. You don’t want to eat or drink something that has spoiled. Food poisoning sucks. Recently, I had a canned sparkling water. At the top of the can, it read, “For packaging date, see under can.” Under the can, it read, “12-5246-37-19.” Is that a Star-date? Was this can packaged in the future and brought back by Marty McFly?

2. When people ask for help, try to help them out. You’ll feel good about you. Recently my aunt asked if anyone knew a rock polisher? I replied, “Andy Dufrain is quite good but he’s in Mexico.” I didn’t actually say that….. I said, “I know Dwayne Johnson’s massage therapist.” ….and ‘bam!’ I felt good about me.

Thanks for reading my summer musings. This month my wife and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary. It only seems fitting to include her in the ending jokes. Enjoy.

My wife recently questioned whether she could work in a vegan restaurant. She said, “No. People would ask me for recommendations and I’d say, ‘yeah, the place across the street that serves real food’.” #meattoo

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I have to say this about my wife: Although she’s selfish, self centered, and usually only thinking of herself, she’s still the love of my wife.