Orgies and Inspiration!! …and how to write clickable titles.

Blog Post #24 is finally here. We’re at the end of summer with fall just around the corner, yet everyone seems focused on the fact that, ‘Winter is Coming.’ I just spent the week in Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada enjoying warm sunny days with the time and freedom to get some writing done. I don’t call these trips ‘vacations’ anymore. My wife’s family is in Kamloops so I’m usually there 1-3 times a year. It’s a four hour drive but it took only an hour using “Game of Thrones Season Seven Logic”, a new type of intercontinental travel. From ‘A New Hope’ to ‘The Force Awakens’, advancements in TIE Fighter travel advanced minimally while travel across continents in six seasons of GoT went from weeks to minutes. Come on now!?

I took this photo at The Kamloops Wildlife Park in 2014. There were no dragons.….

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I have been neglecting my blog a little as I continue to work on getting more published articles out into the world. Success! I had a travel article I wrote about Poulsbo, Washington, U.S.A. published last week by the travel site, WanderGoGo. If you haven’t had a chance to read it, check it out here:

http://www.wandergogo.com/poulsbo-washington-little-norway/                                     (Please Like and Share on Facebook and/or Twitter if possible).

In other exciting news, I am again in the running to be writing for a Vancouver food blog. Let’s see how this attempt turns out. I’ve also been working hard at my LinkedIn profile and acquiring connections. If you’re on LinkedIn, connect with me there and give me some tips. I’m still not really sure what I’m doing. LinkedIn keeps suggesting jobs for me….full time, leadership, prestige, deadline-based jobs. Haven’t they read my blog? Work less. Enjoy life more!

Fake News: After seeing the success of Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather in the boxing ring, Connor McDavid will take on Roger Federer in a tennis match at Flushing Meadows for 100 billion dollars. Word is that McDavid is just waiting until Federer turns 100 years old.

My first blog post last year was inspired by a TED Talk by Tim Urban. The message was to stop procrastinating because we’re all running out of days. From that talk, this hilarious blog was born. Lately, I’ve been inspired by videos from Joe Rogan (yes, that Joe Rogan). He’s a comedian, Podcast host, UFC announcer, MMA practitioner, and former host of Fear Factor….exhausting. While I don’t necessarily agree with his views on a number of issues (chiropractors, ketogenic diets, TRT, etc.), I find his talks on life, motivation, working out, and how to live your best life to be awe-inspiring. I have watched this video over and over again and it has motivated me to work out more, write more often, fear less, and find inspiration in others. For inspiration, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_eJRDl2J6Y

 
Words of Wisdom

1. Sometimes, you just need to take charge….even if you really don’t want to. There’s a saying that you need to “Own the day or the day will own you.” For those of us who work nights (and enjoy GoT), we have a similar saying; “Own the night or the knight (king) will own you.”

2.If you regularly walk or run around a circular track, spend an equal amount of time going in each direction. It will balance your muscles out as you won’t always be turning in the same direction.

The ending jokes this time are very experimental. Sometimes, you just have to try and see how it goes. Enjoy.

 
Credit to my dad for this one:

My dad walks the track every day. One day he was walking and met a guy there who was walking in the opposite direction as everyone else. My dad asked, “Why are you doing that?”

The guy said, “My physiotherapist says I should go to the track and walk an equal amount in each direction to balance my muscles.”

The next day, the guy was again there walking in the opposite direction as everyone else. Someone asked my dad, “Why is that guy going in the opposite direction?”

My dad replied, “His psychiatrist told him he should.”
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Before leaving a patient, I always ask, “Is there anything else you need?” Some patients can be funny, clever, or hilarious. I get answers like, “Yeah, a ticket out of here.”, “a million dollars.”, “a new healthy body.” etc. Sometimes I have to just smile, pretend I didn’t hear, and move on.

One shift, I asked my patient, “Is there anything else you need?”

He said, “Yeah. I want women and orgies!”

I brought him a cheddar Kraft Single.

“What the hell is this?”

“It’s the orange cheese you asked for.”

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No, I Was Not Younger Then…

Summer blog posting…It’s Blog Post #23. It’s a whole lot of ‘practice what you preach’ as I’ve been working (nursing) less and writing more. I’ve recently finished two articles and have two more on the go. I’ve been emailing with editors and getting in contact with sources in hopes of having some new published pieces to share with you soon. Thanks to everyone who sent emails saying they enjoyed Blog Post #22. I also had quite a few people tell me they enjoyed the two nursing jokes at the end. No love found for the Star Wars joke though…

After posting my photo of Toronto last time, it seems only fitting that I share a recent photo of beautiful Vancouver. I took this photo from the top floor at Vancouver General Hospital showing False Creek and the downtown area I call ‘home’. I really need to work on my photography as I’m pretty sure I lost out on a job with a food blog when the food photos I had weren’t all that great. Rejection; one crappy part of this freelance writing thing.Vancouver VGH

Rejection can go both ways as I recently turned down an opportunity to write for a content writing company. They had tight deadlines, an elaborate screening process, and far too many restrictions for a casual writer like me. It can be very challenging to say, “no”. As a former chronic people-pleaser, I can attest to almost always saying ‘yes’ to projects, favours, and commitments. If I did happen to say ‘no’ (usually it was because I had other commitments/plans), I would be filled with feelings of guilt. Recently, I have changed my thinking. Saying ‘no’ is an important part of caring for ourselves. Your first obligation must be to yourself (meaning your emotional, physical, and mental well-being). For myself, the guilt of saying, ‘no’ is gone. I know what I want in life and what’s important to me. If I don’t define those things for myself and set forth my own agenda, there’s always someone who will find a way for me to help them with their agenda. It’s a known saying among caregivers, “You can’t care for others, if you don’t take care of yourself.”

Drink up!

A recent study in the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease concluded that moderate to heavy drinking was linked to lower risk of dementia. Cheers to that!! What was I writing about again?

Great story!

Don’t worry. I remember. I remember a little too good. Recently, my wife said to me, “I heard this old song yesterday….or the day before…maybe it was last week. It was so good. I can’t remember what it was called. It brought back memories.”

I said, “It did? Seems like it erased memories. That’s not even a story. That’s not a thing that should be said. ‘I was on the train yesterday and there were people there. I didn’t know any of them. One looked like someone I used to know. Nobody said anything. The end.’ Does that sound like a story to you?”

Don’t take anything I write here too seriously. Sometimes, I need to be turned into the jerk to make it work.:).

Words of Wisdom

1.Don’t sing along with songs out loud to strangers if you can’t sing. Let the amazing artists that write and sing share their talent. That goes for concerts, the office, the bus, or wherever. Save it for the shower or your solo drive to work.

2. Don’t even try to write lyrics for songs. Don’t say, “It’s as easy as 3.14…” It’s not. It’s the hardest job in the world. Ed Sheeran is a walking, talking, singing, and writing miracle. Have you heard Castle on the Hill? Lyrical miracle! When he sings, “I was younger then…” ,my heart melts. When were you younger, Ed? “When you were six years old”? and “You broke your leg”? You were younger then? When I was six, I was younger too. It’s like he was speaking and singing directly to me.

3. If you really want to write music, do as Justin Bieber has recently done. Sing a song in another language. I know what you’re thinking. Roy, “What do you mean?”

It’s time for the ending jokes. I have to admit, I have a lot of new material lately. I’ll give out a couple and save some for Blog Post #24. Enjoy.
I was recently at an all day Dementia Care workshop. The instructor was quite good and went through the morning speaking about dementia, Alzheimer’s, cognitive impairment, and delirium. We then broke for lunch. When we returned, she asked, “Does anyone have any questions or comments on what we covered this morning?”

I said, “Yeah. What did we talk about again?”

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My wife’s friend was telling us about how she had recently taken up fishing and she was very excited, “I caught my first fish the other day!”

“Didn’t that upset the people at the pet store?”

 

Disclaimer: I actually enjoy quite a few Ed Sheeran songs.

 

A Cook and a Nurse Went Looking For Work…

And it’s Blog Post #22! We’re coming to the one year anniversary of my first published article. If you haven’t read it, check it out here:

http://www.mightynurse.com/sylvia-moreau-nursing-and-life-affirming-stories/
I met Sylvia for coffee last month. She is doing very well. She amazes and inspires me. Her story, although difficult and challenging, is also triumphant and a tribute to the human spirit. She’s talking of doing some writing of her own. I’ll share the link to her work should she decide to send it out into the internet-abyss. I believe she has a lot to say and can provide a unique perspective for people going through difficult times.

There’s little to update on my writing front….such is the life of a part time freelance writer. I have recently decided to commit more to my writing and will therefore be working less as a bedside Registered Nurse. This should mean more articles on a more regular basis and maybe a more active blog. Dare to dream!

Change can be a challenge. We find a comfort zone. We settle into a role or job and only disaster seems to push us out. I prefer to be proactive, risking a little to gain a lot. We internally decide what we’ll put up with, what we’ll accept, and then often never re-evaluate it. I’m nervous to reduce my hours as a nurse. It’s good reliable work. However, I can’t write about the virtues of using your time for passions, doing what you enjoy, and not exchanging your non-renewable time for money and then just focus on my work/career.

While nursing is a difficult and challenging career, I do find the feeling of helping people, giving back, and contributing to a greater good does give me a lot of satisfaction. I may not always enjoy it but I am very proud to be a nurse. I give my all and try my best and every once in a while, I feel like I really make a difference.

Job Hunting

I am fortunate to have worked in many different areas as a nurse. It’s quite interesting looking for nursing jobs. Ads will come up stating, “Nurse Urgently Needed!” or “Looking for Superstar Nurse. Apply Immediately!”

Did you not know that you were going to need a nurse?

Are people fleeing this job?

These are the questions I ask myself.

 

What about ads that require everything:

1. At least 5 years experience.

2. Specialty training in IVADs and Hickman Lines.

3. Trach. Care certification with ICU training.

4. Master’s Degree or equivilant.

Meanwhile, they don’t say who they are, what the hours are, what the pay is, or what the benefits are to working there (wherever ‘there’ is). Why should I take my valuable time to even apply for such a job, let alone devote any of my time to you or your company? Not just in nursing, but in all aspects of employment, value yourself. Job ads should say, “Here’s why you should work for us. This is what we can offer you.” It’s not a once waste streak.

My blog photo this week is of the CN Tower in Toronto, Canada. While walking downtown in May 2017, this amazing reflection caught my eye and this photo was born.

TO

Last week, my wife and I celebrated our ten year wedding anniversary. We decided to go on a road trip to Bainbridge Island near Seattle, U.S.A. We were going to bring some old books that we were looking to get rid of. I had recently asked someone where I should bring used books. He said to bring them to America. Every day, they’re getting a little closer to burning books. I don’t know how true that is but I know we only found friendly helpful hosts living their lives and treating us well. My wife and I had a wonderful time.

Words of Wisdom

1. If you have a seafood allergy, don’t go to a seafood restaurant! That’s like having a gluten allergy and going to a bakery. That’s like having an allergy to bee stings and sticking your hand in a hive. That’s like having a chocolate allergy and visiting Charlie at his factory. That’s like a diabetic going to Candyland. That’s like a barefoot person going to Legoland. That’s like having a peanut allergy and meeting Linus and Charlie at the rowdy part of the theatre. Don’t Do It!

2. Don’t eat food that doesn’t belong to you without asking first! I recently heard a story of a restaurant cook who saw a cake in the fridge. The cook didn’t know that the cake had been dropped off by a family that had reservations to celebrate a 50th birthday that night in the restaurant. The cake was worth over $600 U.S.D. The cook ate it. So at the end of dinner, the family asked for the cake to be brought out…..no cake. The manager had the pleasure of explaining that the cook had eaten the cake (they should have said it was dropped). I hope the dinner the cook made was good. What would you say if that was your cake?

  • The cook ate the cake.
  • Too many cooks spoiled the cake.
  • It was a piece of cake.
  • It was a piece of cook.
  • Cooking is a piece of cake.
  • You can have your cake and eat it too.
  • You can have their cake and eat it too.
  • That was icing on the cake.
  • That was icing on the cook.
  • You can’t have your cake and cook it too.
  • You can’t have your cook and cake too.
  • Way to go Cookcake!

It’s time for the usual ending jokes. Here’s a couple nursing jokes and a return to Star Wars. Enjoy

A patient rang the bell and I went to him and asked, “Hi, What would you like?”
He responded, “I want warm water and not this room temperature stuff. I want a new blanket. This one has some crumbs on it. My pillow needs fluffing. I require a different pair of socks. Also, change the channel on the TV. This is boring!” 

I replied, “Sir, I’m not your servant. I’m your nurse. You need to do your own stuff and comfort yourself. This is not a hotel with a personal maid service. You’re not in a resort. Stop being demanding, belligerent, and rude. Do things for yourself, jerk!!”

I didn’t actually say that.…..I don’t say ‘Hi’ or ask patients what they would like.
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Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Count Duke.
Count Duke who?
Count Duke who had his head cut off by Annakin.
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Credit to a fellow nurse colleague for this one. Thanks Leah!
Leah and I were helping a patient who was unable to get up from bed. The patient asked me why I went into nursing. I said that I needed to find something where I didn’t have to deal with people. We all laughed a little. Leah then said, “Roy wants to be a comedian but every time he would tell jokes, people would walk away. Nursing gives him the chance to tell jokes to people who are bedbound and not able to walk away.” Then we really laughed.

Blast From the Past with Electric Cars

Holy Blog Post Batman! It’s #21! There was sad news this week as we learned about the death of the mayor of Quahog, Rhode Island. Condolences to Carol Pewterschmidt West and her family.

It’s time for change. As photography seems so very linked to writing, I’ve decided to add one of my photographs to each blog post going forward. This first photo I took in 2013 while travelling in Kathmandu, Nepal. This is the Temple of Karunamaya in an area of Kathmandu called Jana Bahal. Nearby is a sign that says, “Followers of any religion are welcome in Jana Bahal.” That’s a nice sentiment and a positive message. It even made this atheist feel welcome. Hardly a planned photo, I was thrilled with how it turned out.                      Janabahal

After some email dialogue with a local food/beverage blog, it looked like I was going to become a regular contributor. Unfortunately, I will not be involved with them after all. That’s the way it goes sometimes as finding a fit is much more important than just finding work (or a worker). In exciting news, I’ve been doing some editing and advisory work with a physiotherapist working on an article on neuroplasticty and chronic pain. It’s an exciting project in an area that is extremely interesting. Another recent writing update is that I’ve started a Facebook Page to share my work and writing updates. You can search ‘Roy G Mundheim’ on Facebook and follow the link to the most hilarious writing I’ve ever written.

Living In The Past

Focusing on the past (mistakes made, regrets, and wishing things turned out different) can be a recipe for depression and sadness. It’s the past that can’t be changed and is therefore the least productive thing we can focus on. Taking the lessons learned and admiring our growth is the better way to think about our past as we focus on living in the present and planning for the future. This was an on-going battle for me for some time until one day I had a moment of clarity and realized that the lessons learned from mistakes were actually of great value. Without the past being as it was, I would have much more difficulty finding the success and fulfillment I feel and experience now.

Speaking of the past; last week, I got into the ‘way back machine’ and attended a concert with Def Leppard, Poison, and Tesla. It brought me back to my teen years. That’s the kind of ‘living in the past’ I can get behind. It was a great crowd with a festive vibe that was just fun all around. It was also a great avenue for some original jokes…..they’re coming. Patience.

Words of Wisdom

1. You can’t be positive if you’re always in a state of negative. Complaining, even internally, will take away from having positive emotions. Focus on what’s good first. Then, focus on what’s possible and the potential for change that could lead to better.

2. As a writer, I always try to avoid clichés (sometimes you have to as they can be the absolute best fit). We should all try to avoid clichés when possible. From now on, never refer to your weakness as your “achilles heel.” Instead, refer to the weakness as your “Thermal Exhaust Port”…..that is only two meters wide.

As promised, it’s time for the ending joke(s). These jokes will require a bit of knowledge about 80’s music and Tesla, Poison, and Def Leppard in particular. Good luck and enjoy.

Conversations with friends before the concert:

Friend: “Hey, I can’t wait for Def Leppard with Poison and Tesla. What songs are you looking forward to the most?”

Me: “Dr. Feelgood, Livin’ on a Prayer….oh and Cherry Pie.”

Friend: “Those aren’t songs by those bands!”

Me: “I know. I’m joking. Are you getting it?”

Friend: “Huh?”

Me: “♫♪Armageddon It?!!♫♪”

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Friend: “What’s your favourite Def Leppard song?”

Me: “Love Pies!…great song.”

Friend: “I don’t think that’s how it goes.”

Me: “What are you talking about? ♪Love Pies! Love kneads. It’s what I eat!♫”

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Friend: “Armegeddon It is my favourite song from Def Leppard.”

Me: “For me it goes, 1. Armedrummin It. 2. Armesingin It.”

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Conversations with friends after the concert:

Friend: “Tesla were good!”

Me: “Yeah but it was weird when they started slowing down and then had to be plugged in to re-charge.”

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Friend: “I forgot the name of Tesla’s lead singer.”

Me: “Elon Musk.”

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Friend: “What did you think of Def Leppard?”

Me: “They were good, high energy. They seemed full-on into it….except the drummer. He seemed to be only part into it. He seemed Two Steps Behind.”

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Friend: “I love Every Rose Has it’s Thorn by Poison!”

Me: “I like the gay Norwegian version better.”

Friend: “Huh?”

Me: “♪Every Roy Has His Thor♫”

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Disclaimer: Rick Allen is an amazing drummer who has overcome tremendous odds to continue to play music.

An Escarpment by Any Other Name

Blog Post #20 is complete and ready to entertain, update, and exasperate my loyal readers. After a bit of a dormant spell, I’ve accelerated my writing output to get another new published article out into the world.

I received a lot of pressure to post a follow-up to my Humour in Healthcare post from back in January. I finally got around to writing it and was pleased to have it accepted and published last month. It’s old fodder for those who regularly read my blog but I find my jokes are funnier the more times I tell them. In fact, I laugh a little bit louder and a little bit more each time….just like you. You can check it out here:

http://vchblogs.ca/humour-healthcare-2-prepare-offended/

Unfortunately, it looks like I’ve written my last post with City Mash Vancouver. They’ve slowed operations and I’m not sure where they’ll be going from here. I enjoy their site and am grateful for the opportunity I have had with them to share my writing.

As the old saying goes, “The greasy wheel gets the squeak.” I’ve continued to send out emails introducing myself and my work and pitching my best ideas with very little response. Although a bit too early to tell, I am currently in discussion with a Vancouver food blog/magazine that is interested in me becoming a regular contributor. How does an RN have the credentials or knowledge to write about food? Well, I eat and enjoy food. They’re also looking for posts on beer. I always have a focus on health but won’t be writing “How to Best Pair Your Choice of Cigarettes with the Right Choice of Meat” or “Ten Signs You Have Food Poisoning.” I’m hopeful that this opportunity will work out. I should have an update on this with my next post.

My wife was disappointed with my last blog post. She wanted me to share my bad jokes from Niagara. So here we go:

1. Have you ever found a common word that everyone says or you read often and it turns out you actually don’t know what it really means? Everywhere we went in Niagara, people were talking about The Escarpment. The Escarpment – this and The Escarpment – that. Finally, I asked my wife, “What’s an escarpment?”

She said, “ I don’t know. What’s an escarpment?”

I replied, “I think it’s an area where you find edible snails live…..or it’s an area where the fish who don’t own, rent.” (Escarpment – a long steep slope separating areas of land at different heights, usually from erosion)

2. Niagara is a beautiful area with a lot of North American history. Someone showed us the only building that wasn’t burned down when the Americans fled during the War of 1812. Talking with some people by the Niagara River, they couldn’t believe how big and amazing the river was. I said, “Yeah, I hear it’s a really nice boat ride down the river. In the summer, it’d be great for tubing.” (You would be required to put the pieces together yourself to find the funny.)

Words of Wisdom : If you’ve been having trouble making mashed potatoes like I was, start cooking them first…..way better.

So it’s time for the ending joke. I know you’re saying, “There’s been so many great jokes all blog long.” Well, I don’t want to break the tradition so we gotta keep it going. Enjoy.

 
The Nursing Name Game:
I had a very challenging shift recently. I worked with another Roy, a Joy, a Blinket (yes, that was her name), and an Ansom (yes, that was her name). I had a patient named Troy and a patient named, Queeny (yes, that was his name).
All shift long, I heard, ‘Joy!?’ and thought, “Did they say Joy or Roy?”
‘Troy, how are you feeling?’ and I continually needed to ask, “Are you talking to me?”
I also had people calling, ‘Roy, can you come here?… No, I meant the other Roy.’
This went on all shift long.
Or I’d hear, ‘Ansom, can I talk to you?’ I’d walk over and say, “Yes, what did you want to talk to me about?”

Productive Times Call For Productive Measures

It’s the long anticipated and long overdue Blog Post #19. Travel, work, and my fitness regime have all contributed to the delay in getting this post completed and out into the world. It’s good to be getting back to this bad, rad, sad, make-you-mad but glad-you-had piece of craft that I call the greatest bit of humorous health blogging that I’ve ever written. While my writing has slowed in recent weeks, I’m proud to share another published article that came out this month with City Mash Vancouver. It’s a look at Vancouver’s mental rental market and the sacrifices and ingenuity of people really wanting to live here. It’s not new or groundbreaking. It’s Vancouver joining the ranks of New York City, London, and Hong Kong where those who really want to live in the city will find a way. Check it out here: https://www.citymash.com/vancouver/2017/05/15/creativity-and-compromise-needed-to-beat-vancouvers-rental-market/

My wife and I recently enjoyed a week away in Ontario, Canada. We wine toured the Niagara region and spent time in Toronto. We’ve both recently found ourselves more interested in the sport of baseball and enjoyed a couple of Major League games. With that, our diet has been poor and we’ve felt the effects. The scale has creeped up and our energy levels have not been as good as they had been. We’ve now re-committed to healthy eating to go with our workout programs (which I’m proud to say we have remained steadfast and committed to). However, you can’t outwork a bad diet and this especially true as you get older so it’s good to get back to healthy eating.

I’ve written a fair bit in my blog about time and how we use it (remember, time doesn’t actually exist). A big reason for this is that I’ve struggled with the concept of time, wasted time, and how best to use my time. I’m currently trying to find more useful and productive uses of my time. Playing chess against my Android and punishing it for the same tactical mistake yet again, beating my wife on Words with Friends with ‘dominant’, victorious, and ‘divorcee’(kidding honey), and scrolling social media are all time killing wastes of time that get me no closer to any of my goals. While downtime that rejuvenates, relaxes, and decompresses is a positive thing, mindless time wasting that could be used for something productive has been an Achilles heel for me and a splinter in my mind for some time. Now, I’m looking to commit to positive uses of my time. Podcasts that inspire, reading articles that educate, and taking actions that potentially bring me closer to long and short term goals are all much better uses of my time and takes me further away from the procrastination and hesitation that I spoke of in my very first blog post. Once goals and wants have been established, action needs to be taken for anything to happen (no planning, wishing, hoping, discussing, praying, dreaming, or pondering can take the place of action for reaching goals). I’m now asking myself, “What action can I take right now that will potentially bring me closer to my goals and what I want in life?”

Words of Wisdom

1. Have some patience when driving. The light has barely turned green and people are honking. It seems that people are honking at you before you even have a chance to finish your text.

2. Don’t worry if you don’t always understand things right away….or get them at all. My mom e-mailed me to tell me how proud she was of my writing. She said, “I don’t always get your blog but I’m proud of you.” Oh Mom, if you got all of my blog, I’d really be worried about you. Sometimes, I don’t even get it all.

3. Stop saying “Grunge is dead!” It’s not dead…..well it’s sure trying. Long live Eddie.
Bad news: It’s time for the ending jokes. I’ve come up with so many inappropriate jokes lately that I haven’t had my brain ready for clean, humorous, blog-friendly fun. This is all I could come up with. Enjoy.

It was a warm summer day. I was at a wedding where the groom’s brother was drinking a beer just before the photos were to be taken. A wasp had unknowingly gone into his beer and he was instantly stung. His lower lip swelled like a dry sponge in water. He looked like a kid who had lost his favourite toy. The jokes were relentless.

“Why so down? Your brother is getting married.”

“Cheer up! You’ll get married one day.”

“Smile for the camera!”

The photo of everyone pouting was classic. People are so cruel.

Later in the afternoon, we all sat around listening to music. Being a Norwegian who burns and doesn’t tan, I sought the safety of shade. The groom’s brother and his sad face came over to me and asked, “Why are you here and not out enjoying the sunshine?”

“I shouldn’t be in the direct sun…. My skin takes to the sun like your lip takes to bees.”
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“I’m supposed to go to the Justin Bieber concert and I’m not feeling well.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. It also sucks that you’re not feeling well.”

Movie Messages and Cat Chat

Found an unexpected chunk of time to write so it’s a premature Blog Post #18. I just got a double double from Tim Hortons (hold the cream and sugar) so I’m ready to blog my face off. Thanks to those who sent feedback on Blog Post #17. It seems I’m not the only one who loves chicken eggs and sarcasm…. deeelicious. There are no writing updates since my last post. I’ve had a lot of no-responses to e-mails as I look for new forums for my writing. That’s why I’m blogging here again and doing what I love; The ridiculousness of this piece of light in the dark dark abyss of the interweb.

As a huge fan of movies (Remember such jokes as Star Wars wedding date, Lego Meow Batman, and “Kalimaa!!”), I am considering writing movie reviews. There are a number of volunteer opportunities out there as well as paid gigs. Movies can be a great way to reflect on our lives and the meaning of it all. Recently, my wife and I watched Kedi. For those who don’t know about Kedi, it’s the anti-Kong movie. While Kong is a cliché, repeat, over-done, Hollywood piece of craft, Kedi is a love-in with a thoughtful, heart-felt insight into the lives of a few street cats in Istanbul, Turkey. My wife and I lost our beloved cat, Misha, last year and have been taking the time needed to deal with and heal from the loss. Watching Kedi put a smile on our faces and reminded us why we love cats.

*Disclaimer: I have not watched Kong.

We are now considering adopting two cats before the end of the year. We don’t have a large place and there is a fear that we’ll be drowning in cats. The last thing we want to do is turn into the Crazy Cat Couple consumed by cat culture and communicating in Morris Code. Some of the people in Kedi were a bit cat obsessed. One lady was crazier than Tom Cruise at a bible convention. We want to avoid that. Why two? We travel a lot. They can keep each other company. They’ll be already bonded. Getting two will also help us avoid the comparing and feeling that we’re replacing Misha.

Pets who bond with us can be a great source of comfort and joy. The health benefits of walking a dog or playing with a cat are measurable and clear. The feeling of contribution and the bonds we establish with our pets improve our mental and emotional well being. It also makes the loss of our pets so difficult and heart-wrenching. Then comes The Crying Game.

Why are movie snacks so terrible? I can only speak to the theatres I’ve been at. Where’s the protein? There should be protein bars, protein drinks, almonds, pepperoni sticks, milk, veggie snack bags, Greek yogurt, blood sausages etc. I love popcorn and do indulge at the movies sometimes but why the health aren’t there more options?

Words of Wisdom This is a new segment trial run where I used to call it Health Advice. It’s advice or random ideas I have that you can use, think about, and/or discard. It’s not necessarily what I believe but can sometimes be funny, weird, or completely true. Send me feedback on what you think of it and whether I should continue with it.

1. Always get the small popcorn. It’s enough to get the taste and very few of us need those extra calories. What’s in that “butter” anyway? Some type of goodness with unicorn blood.

2. Leave your phone alone at the theatre. I don’t mean during the movie. That should be a given. I mean in the bathroom after the movie where everyone is checking out their cell phone to see what’s happened in the last two hours. Use the bathroom first and then leave the bathroom, then take out your cell phone. Otherwise, you are in the bathroom with a camera out. Stop that! When people bring out their cell phone in the bathroom, it makes me angrier than John Wick at an abusive puppy mill.

3. Movies often have great messages. (insert sarcasm warning here)The message I got from Beauty and the Beast was ‘If you’re not good looking, you must have a curse’. The message from Deadpool was better, ‘If you’re now ugly, wear a mask’.

*Disclaimer: I have not watched Beauty and the Beast.

It’s time for the ending jokes that everybody (especially me) loves. If you liked my previous Swedish jokes, you’ll like this one. Enjoy.

For my wife’s grandparent’s anniversary we were asked to dress like the 40’s. My wife’s grandfather is Swedish. I thought I’d try to dress like a 1940’s Swedish soldier. I Google imaged Swedish soldier in the 1940’s. There were no results.

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The rain was coming down in buckets as we walked by a film crew working on Supergirl. My wife said, “I feel bad for them filming Supergirl in this torrential rain storm.”

I replied, “I feel bad for them too. They’re filming Supergirl.”

*I found out after writing this that someone I know works on this show. I decided to write it anyway as it’s a joke and I have not actually seen the show. Sorry Adam.